Can Death Be An Answer?
by Storm Chick
Summary: This can be seen as a dark fic. Suicide, jealously (i love this element) love and friendship. A Seifuu. Fuujin tries to get Seifer by getting him jealous..but does it work? R&R if u will but no flames. :)


Disclaimer: .................I OWN EVERYTHING! EVEN U WHO IS READING THIS...U WON'T SURVIVE!!! MUHAHAhaAH!   
  
Note to self: GET REAL!!  
  
***  
A/N: Welp I'm back...u love this dont u...and i'm trying summat new AGAIN. If i fogot to say in the summary that this is a seifuu well.....THIS IS A SEIFUU. Thanks  
Oh its in Fuujins P.O.V  
AND Thanks to Cats Eye for Beta'ing this for me :)  
***  
I stood behind Seifer, face and voice devoid of emotion. That's me though. Letting emotions out can hurt. I mean, it's blindly obvious that I like the man in front of me, HELL not Rajin, the day i like him is the end of the world, but Seifer. Everyone knows it except HIM. Squall, of all the -100 observationist/speaking people knows too, but his pain-in-the-ass doesn't know yet. Why ME? Everyone is pretty much happy with couples all around, although it changed a bit from the old pairings. Rinoa and Squall are pretty much the same...sorceress and knight thing. Hehe, imagine me, a sorceress and Seifer my knight. Ah, that would be my life. Zell and Selphie, well, at least their personalities don't clash like when with others. Quistis of all the people, managed to get Mr. Woman, Irvine, not implying he's a woman but hey? You never know.  
  
So here I am, in the cafeteria, watching Seifer bully people. His eyes still gaze longingly at Rinoa, but he seems to have come to the fact he won't have her again. Oh, why? Why won't he love me? Hearing the bell, I turn to Seifer and Rajin and declare,  
  
"TIRED!"  
  
Dammit! You have a voice girl USE IT! But before i can use it Seifer speaks up.  
  
"'K, fuujin, you go on ahead. See you in the morning,"  
  
I smile weakly and walk away. This reminded me of the hardest day of my life. Telling Seifer, betraying him of the disiplinary Commitee law, that Rajin and I were on Squalls side because Seifer had been lost to the sorceress' knight thing too far. There it is again, SORCERESS' KNIGHT! I doubt that even being a sorceress would not get him to me. Honestly, if i didn't like him so much, I would shout profanities to him, and never end. I would have thought, being a good fighter and skilled seer of people doing wrong, that he may have at least noticed me lusting after him. In my anger I screamed,  
  
"RAGE!!!"  
  
Finding that the hallway is now completely deserted, i turn into my room, 33b. Not too bad for a non-SeeDer. Sighing, i flopped down on my bed, and turned on some music. I began to think. Thinking usually worked for me. But my thoughts were not happy ones today. I kept thinking of the way his glances at other girls were lustful, but he never even looked my way. I began to sob. Seeing him flirting with other girls was heartbreaking, his emerald eyes only saw me as a member as the D.C not something else. Something I wanted to be. I burst into silent tears. Silent because my room was not sound proof and anything like people hearing me cry was too degrading to think about. I expect that the only way to catch his attention, and even this is would work with mutual feelings, is to go away, change slightly and get a boyfriend. I shuddered. That was a nasty thought, but it had to be done. Somehow. And now, I have to ask SQUALL for a holiday. Then SEIFER! God, no freedom. Dammit. Straightening my resolve i crawl into bed, forgetting about changing into Pjs, i fell asleep, with only my wanted to be reality dreams to help me through this.  
  
***  
"So, lemme see? You want a holiday because you...are tired?"  
  
"AFFERMATIVE."  
  
"Ooookay. Well, I suppose that I could grant you a one.."  
  
"TWO!"  
  
"...Two week holiday to Tim.."  
  
"DELING CITY!"  
  
"Deling City in a weeks..."  
  
"NOW!"  
  
"Tonight. Well, Fuujin, you got me, go tell Seifer."  
  
I nodded and walked out the room. Hehe, I was right with the -100 thing, but as a skilled warrior, SAVIOUR of the world (my ass) was a pussy pushover. I laughed. Now to the real man, warrior. No saucy thoughts now fuu..you gotta job to do. I walked up to Seifer and Raijin. He was talking to someone. I nearly laughed out loud. Some slutty 'ho was trying to get Seifer, but even Raijin could tell that Seifer's voice was completely not there. I cleared my voice. This attracted Seifer from the whore.  
  
"SEIFER!"  
  
"Yeh, Fuu?" He asked in an affectionate tone, I swooned in my mind. Ah. Love.  
  
"HOLIDAY!"  
  
"What's that? Speak normally."  
  
"I'm going on a holiday for two weeks. I'll be back soon."  
  
"Oh." God, am i overly hopeful or did he just look unhappy at me leaving? "See you then..."  
  
"BYE!"  
  
He smirked and waved me off. The slut scowled at me, as though i was competition. Well, Seifer you better watch out.....  
  
***  
Boarding the train to Deling City I decided to change. Beforehand i had bought a few gizmos. A small pair of shorts and a tank top. Haha, I'd love to see a picture of me in this. I came out of the loos and already a few guys were eyeing me. I smiled at them. They smiled back. Hehe, this was working already.   
  
"The train has now arrived at Deling City, please make sure that you have taken all of your belongings as we will NOT. I repeat NOT take responsibilty for lost junk."  
  
Taking off I headed straight for a restaurant; where is a better place to pick up guys. But hey, hanging around Seifer all the time meant sluts too, so they would try and pick him up by making him buy them food. Instead of walking how I usually do, I tried walking with my hips swinging slightly. Suddenly, i was tapped on the shoulder. I spun around to meet the bluest eyes i'd ever seen. They belonged to a well built man, fair hair, and what Rinoa always told me to look for* big feet. Hehe. No sex though. I'm saving myself for Seifer. Ah, stop getting sidetracked. REMEMBER...speak normally was replayed through my mind.  
  
"HELLO!.."Shit.."Um, sorry, I mean hi." I smiled shyly.  
  
"Hey there, little lady. What's a little girl doing on her own, you looking for lunch?"  
  
"Urm, yeah, uhm, yes please." Ah, the cool, calm Fuujin speaks.  
  
"Come this way then. By the way, my name's Ryan. Yours?"  
  
"Fuujin. I'm 18." And Seifers 19.  
  
"18 huh? Well, I'm 20."  
  
"Oh."Well, -1000000000000000 on speaking skills, i think i beat Squall."Uhm, can i have pasta?"  
  
"Sure. Anything to drink?"  
  
"Yeah, a pepsi."  
  
"Sure? No bud?"  
  
What? Is he trying to get me drunk? That's it. HE IS SOOOO GONE. "Actually, I'm not hungry, and I need to find my hotel. Good day."  
  
I stood up sharply suprising him. He called after me to wait, but i ignored him and carried on. Well, tried to. I had to run to get away from him. Running street after street I finally came to my hotel. I laughed so hard I fell down. It was a 1star shady hotel with a MASSIVE crime rate, I could see on veiw. Oh well, may as well go with it. I walked in. There was no-one around. I saw blood and drinks and smelt fags. I turned around, only to be staring in the face a man with a rats face and yellow teeth. He also had a sickly sweet smile and voice.  
  
"Yes, my dear?"  
  
"Um, er, wrong room, house, place."  
  
"Are you sure." I could feel him undressing me with his eyes, ewwww  
  
"YES!" And I ran out. God, only my first day and i'd had 2 men onto me. Perhaps this wasn't the best of ideas....NO! It was the best YET! Yet............  
  
***  
I was on the second to last day of my holiday. Everything had been BORING. After my eventful first day i had ran to a B&B and rented a room there. Then it was all boring, seen everything before and nothing had changed. So it was my lastish day and my plan for jealously was NOT working. Bummer. Oh well, the first good looking guy that i meet will be my boyfriend to parade, god i feel like Selphie. Rinoa. Anyone of them.......i dunno....people who show off boyfriends as trophies. So I walked out. Problem. Is it drafty or is it me. I look around then down. Then realise....i'm still in my nightie....the old shirt. Haha, what a sight that would have been. Running back into the room i put on a blue t-shirt with 'Diva' written on in gold, and a pair of faded jeans. Didn't look too bad. I walked out onto the street, then it hit me, the best place to get a boyfriend was at a CLUB. Hehe, well, looks like Diva Fuu is on the warpath. I strolled around for a while, waiting for around 7pm when i would get ready. Casual yet stunning was what I was going for. Checking my watch it said 6:57. Time to hit the....DRESS-UP BOX. Ahahaha. God, this is most probably the changiest (is that even a word :P) thing i've ever done. So saying, i went to my room and got out:  
A halterneck top  
Jeans  
Black leather trousers  
Black leather skirt  
Tank top with 'Bitch....moi' on it  
After looking at everything i decided on the skirt (It went to above my knees., I may be changing for a while but not into a slut) and halterneck top. I looked pretty good. For shoes, pumps. No stringy 56billion inch heels, thank you very much. Make-up? Some slight glitter around the eyes, and shimmering grey eyeshadow. Not too bad. Hair?What am I supposed to do with this? Nothing. And patch, FUNKY! I'll so be a fashion trend. My ass. So, I went outside and went to a club after hailing a taxi/bus whatever they call them, to the club 'The Heat' Not to bad. Kind of made like a paradise place. I queued(sp?) up for ages, but was allowed in. Inside, i veiwed who I was gonna try. I first started with some brown haired dude, but he thought me to be a prostitute..hehe, he's gonna need some surgery now. Thanks to my trusty friend. I tried a few others, but they all seemed dorks or sex-craved freaks. Finally, I came up to a tall guy wearing black top and trousers. He seemed 6' tall at least. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask him to dance when he turned around. That's when it clicked. Green eyes, blonde hair that fell in front of face, arragont smirk, it could only be,  
  
"SEIFER!"  
  
He looked taken aback. For a minute I thought i had got the wrong guy when he seemed to recognise me.  
  
"Fuu! What you doing here?"  
  
"I'm here on holiday, doofus."  
  
"Oh, yeah." There was a brief silence between us. The tension I was feeling was unbearable. Here I was in a drop dead gorgeous outfit, and he still looked at me like a member of the D.C. HELLO? Are you attracted to me? I got the answer,  
  
"Fuu, I'd like you to meet my fiancee, Sara."  
  
I blinked 10 times, hard. My entire mission ruined, my love for Seifer gone, Balamb Garden held nothing for me now, i forced a smiled at the firehead, she was actually very pretty.  
  
"Hello....Sara." Even that sounded forced. Suddenly, bile and sobs threatened to overtake me so i whispered, although they must have seen it as a mouthing, "Goodbye." And I ran away, toward the exit where a phone was. Why the hell a phone was in a nightclub and not in a sound proof booth was beyond me at the moment. I phoned the Garden, and was put through to Squall. That's it. No, i won't listen to reason and i won't come back.  
  
"Hello? Squall Leonhart, commander of Balamb Garden..how may I help you?"  
  
"SQUALL!" I could hear giggling in the background, probably Rinoa, the bitch. Grrrarrgh. I HATE my life.  
  
"Fuujin?"  
  
"YES! I WILL NOW BE LEAVING GARDEN FOR A LOOOOONNNGG TIME." I had to switch to my loud voice but with sentences to get over the noise.  
  
"Fuujin? Why? How? When?"  
  
I heard someone seriously say something like, "Seifer....don't...her...then" In the background.  
  
"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, HOW? WHAT KINDA QUESTION IS THAT, AND WHEN NOW! GOODBYE!"  
  
"Uh, bye?"  
  
I slammed the phone down and walked out into the fresh air. Then a bloke of around 20 came up to me, and offered me his jacket.  
  
"Um, ok."  
  
Oh well, better get used to it girl. You're gonna get this one. And no more Seifer the Goddamn..nope i still love him. Haha, how ironic. I suck so much at lovelives. The bloke was talking about some stuff which i found boring but listened and nodded in the right places, i hope...he could have asked me if i was a slut and i would have nodded...EEK! Then he asked me to dinner as it was only around 10pm. I agreed. So did my stomach. So we went to some posh italian restaurant named 'Belle's Plaza' and had quite a nice meal. After that i wasn't listening, but then i realised. I was carrying my stuff. The B&B was closed today and tomorrow. THAT'S probably why this guy came up to me. I put it in some baggage holdal at the club. Aw, how sweet. So I went home with him.  
  
***ONE MONTH LATER***  
I decided it was time to go back to Garden, so I went up to Nick and told him so. He seemed to agree. He liked stuff like that. Yeah, Nick was the only person I could count as my friend. And I had to admit it, even if it's only to myself, that I like him quite a bit. Not as much as HIM but still okay. Packing a bum bag and a sports bag with some junk. Junk meaning my Blaster Edge (I've forgotten,is this rite?) and D.C uniform.  
  
"Hey, Fuu, what's wit da weapon and da strange looking outfi'?"  
  
"Um, it's nothing." Thats the down side to Nick. His accent. He LOVES Ali G (YAH!!) and tries to be just like him. He's got the hat, rings anything. What a freak. I smile at him, "Come on, lets go. Balamb Garden is around Timber at the moment."  
  
So we walked there. Took us 10hours but it was fun. Coming to the front gate which was now the freaky things that swing in and out to let you in or out, I walked through and immediatly everyone ran to get Seifer or Squall. Losers. I came here to see Raijin. After all, he was nice to me. But what I got was Nick flirting with the girls. HEY! Wait a minute. We're going out VERY strongly. Hmmmm, freak. Then Seifer. That's when I saw the red head hanging onto Nida's arm.....YES! NO! She ran down to Seifer and started to kiss him but he pushed her off. No need to do anything else I yell,  
  
"BACK!"  
  
A few boos and a few cheers. Oh well, people still liked me. I didn't know where Nick went, but at the present time that was unimportant. I ran up to Seifer, his green eyes gazing at me. I nearly collapsed. HE'LL NEVER LOVE ME! Replayed over my head. So I detoured around him and started walking the corridors.  
  
***  
"Oh Nick...mmm"  
  
Wow. I have a good imagination. I didn't hear some bitch saying that,  
  
"Anglina....."  
  
GRRR. That's IT! I stalked over to the small cupboard to make sure and inside I saw....Nick and some bitch/slut tangled together half naked. NOT something a pissed off Fuujin should see. Nick looked up,  
  
"Oh shit. OK then. Fuujin you're dumped. Hehe, now close the door, we're busy."  
  
I closed the door. Swallowed, counted to ten, then ran to my old room crying my eyes out. THAT'S it AGAIN! Why me? No-one can love me. No-one likes me. No-one, No-one, No-one, NO-ONE!!!!! That night, I cried myself to sleep.  
  
***  
For a few days, i walked around, just doing nothing. My mood swings became more apparant. When i felt dismal, well i was soooooo happy, and when i was unhappy i was bitchy. I didn't like this at all. Then I heard it. The wedding of: 'Monica and Seifer' and of' RAIJIN and XU' was coming in a weeks time in the ballroom. That's when i cracked. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran to the infirmary and found....QUISTIS?  
  
"Oh, hello, um, Quisty...I need some painkillers or paracetemal, please?"  
  
"Fuu? What's up?"  
  
"NOTHING!" I looked and felt like a raving loonatic. This must have reached Quistis. She must have been in Blonde Bimbo mode.  
  
"Well, Dr. Kadowaki has gone out to buy some. Want me to tell her."  
  
"NO!"  
  
And I ran out of the door, QUistis following, but instead of going left to the dormatories, she headed toward the elevator. Ahah! I know what she's gonna do. She was gonna go tell Squall. Too late. I'll already be gone. SLamming into the door I fumbled around in my pocket for the card to my door. Upon finding it I swiped it through the door, it took awhile to process it, but it got there in the end. I ran in. Wanting to collapse on the bed got to my mind, but i shook it away. I ran into the kitchen and got a small knife for eating. NOTHING! Goddamit, these aren't like hotels in Deling City. THey don't have great big dinner knives in the kitchen. Bugger. I heard voices, straining to hear them, i heard words such as: Brink of insaneity, suicide, love. Hehe, 3 outa 3. Then I remembered. My weapon. Dragging it out of my bag, I closed my eyes and braced myself. Not knowing which way to slice my wrists i try straight across my hand. Then the other. I hear the voices getting closer and closer. Too bad. I'm already dying. Then the door was kicked down. In a limbo between unconsciousness and conciousness, i hear talking,  
  
"All my fault, all my fault. Why didn't you tell me Fuu?"  
  
"Seifer! Let go. We have to get her to Dr. Kadowaki in Balmb Hospital."  
  
I felt as if i was being lifted up, and voices swimming into veiw. Seifer was there, with a tear stained face. I smiled, then blacked out.  
  
***  
When I woke up I thought i was in heaven, but then i remembered, i promised i would go to hell with Seifer. Plus someone cursed me there when i was younger. They yelled, 'GO TO HELL' at me. So what am i doing here. Then i saw nurses. And coming back into conciousness made an excruitciating pain into my left hand. I yelled out in pain. The nurses came running, babbling to each other. I pointed to my left hand. They took it in. Then they placed an oxygen mask over my mouth and i was gone.  
***  
When i woke up, AGAIN, there was Seifer sitting at the end of my bed in a chair. Then i realised i was in hospital.  
  
"They had to remove your 4th finger. You contracted gangrene in it. It seemed that you used a bloody end of your weapon."  
  
"S..e..f..er, I-th..k..y.o.u"  
  
He smiled at me. Then walked over and took my good hand in his,  
  
"Fuu, why didn't you tell me?"  
  
I looked abashed, then found my voice,  
  
"Because..you...always flirted with other girls and never glanced my way."  
  
It was his turn to be abashed. Then he smiled and got out a ring. I widened my eyes,  
  
"Then...you won't mind me using the bitch Monica's (who ran off with a man nurse) ring to place on yours to be used next week?"  
  
I started to cry. This was a dream come true. Then I realised, I must be dreaming. So i stated,  
  
"Pinch me."  
  
He looked confused but obliged. I felt it. IT WASN'T A DREAM. IT WASN'T A DREAM. IT WASN'T A DREAM. Seifer Almasy was proposing to me. YES YES YES! I LOVE MY LIFE. Wait a sec. I haven't replyed. He's still waiting. GOd, what if he thinks i don't wanna. WELL! Hurry up and tell him,  
  
"Oh Seifer. YES!"  
  
He smiled and did a curaga on me. Feeling instantly refreshed, I got out of bed walked over to Seifer. He scooped me up and then we walked out of the hospital to get me a wedding dress. For the first time in my life, I was completely happy. SOoo happy in fact....i'm going to enjoy my life.  
  
***  
So? What do you think. All you need to do now is reveiw and say if this rocked, sucked or if u hate beanie babies! Well, cya next time when i rite a story. I mite do a sequal to this. Nah.  
  
~Storm Chick~ 


End file.
